Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration.
Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really?
Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good!
A person or organisation that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital character traits:
Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others
Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone
Many people think in terms of either/or: either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you be both. It is a balancing act between courage and consideration. To go for win-win, you not only have to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you also have to be brave. To do that--to achieve that balance between courage and consideration--is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win.
There are two types of mind
set – growth and fixed. With any problem we can embrace it and take
the opportunity to learn from it or we can avoid it, often out of
fear of failure. Taking the path of avoidance could be described as a
fixed mindset while taking the first approach of viewing an obstacle
or problem a an interesting challenge and opportunity to learn could
be described be a growth mindset.
It is not uncommon for
people to have a mixture of both mindsets, switching between the two.
A person has a fixed mindset
because they believe that certain qualities such as talents, skills
and traits are fixed and that these qualities are responsible for
success. On the other hand people that possess a growth mindset
believe that new skills can be developed and achieved through
practice.
This ideas create a passion
for learning that is a typical trait exhibited by leaders, artists,
creators and successful people. With a growth mindset life becomes an
endless journey of new learning and achieving.
Developing a Growth
Mindset
Dr Carol Dwek of Stanford
University who created the term 'growth mindset' recommends that we
should all celebrate trying, for example parents and teachers should
applaud a child regardless of the grade for the effort that they
exert in studying for it.
Encouraging children to
learn any new skill that they are interested in is recommended in
order to encourage them to learn the skill of learning.
To observe the difference
between the two mindsets in everyday life lets imagine two people,
person A ans person B, one believes that you either have it or you
don't, the other believes that with enough desire it is possible to
learn anything. When it come to activity, person A uses
avoidance tactics, not wanting to fail or to look stupid trying.
Person B is not worried about failure enthusiastically embraces the
challenge viewing it as fun and exiting regardless of the outcome.
A key point to understand
here is that failing is a part of learning.
Are you the kind of person
that avoids feedback and often takes it personally? In order to
improve we must listen to constructive criticism and an important
point here is that it is to understand that it isn't you that is
being assessed but the results of your activity.
Do you always take the easy
road, or stop when things start to get difficult? To develop a
growth mindset it is essential to practice regularly whatever skill
it is that we want to develop knowing that effort is part of the journey
to a more fun life.
How do you feel about the
success of others? Do you encourage them to do even better, and does
it inspire you to work harder knowing that as they become more
successful, you are likely to grow as well? Or do you feel threatened
and feel pressured to achieve more results in your own life as a
results?
Developing a growth mindset
will enable you to move forward and solve problems as well as
approaching new task, challenges, problems, and obstacles with joy
and enthusiasm. This theory of a growth mindset is supported by
Neuro science. It has shown the the brain grows with activity just as
any other muscle in the body does.
So begin to develop a growth
mindset. A simple change in perspective on how a person view a
situation can make the world of difference to the outcome and to your
own achievements, possibility and development.
The importance of creating a clear mental image of your desired goal.
How the subconscious mind works -
All of our results have and are being dictated by our subconscious
Our results in life will always be congruent with the beliefs that we hold at a subconscious level.
These beliefs - more often than not are self limiting
Installed as a child
Inherited from our parents
Operate from a level that we are unaware of.
In order to change our results we need to change our beliefs about ourselves
Maxwell Maltz - Psycho Cybernetics
Our subconscious is a cybernetic device
This means our subconscious, through whatever course of action we take will lead us to the destination that we have stored in our minds.
How does this happen?
The beliefs we hold at a subconscious level influence our conscious thoughts which influence our actions which influence our results - SIMPLE!
When we change our beliefs we influence the whole chain of command from the deepest level.
E.g. A student that is told they are only capable of a D grade may achieve an A in one exam but will gravitate back because of the belief that has been installed that they are only capable of a D
In order to be an A student that person must have the belief that they are.
Effectively the majority of us are running on subconscious beliefs that are stopping us for reaching any kind of self potential.
These beliefs work constantly in the background influencing your conscious thought in order to be upheld.
Most of the time without even realising. How does this happen?
The beliefs we hold at a subconscious level influence our conscious thoughts which influence our actions which influence our results - SIMPLE!
When we change our beliefs we influence the whole chain of command from the deepest level.
How can visualisation help this?
Our subconscious has no ability to distinguish between what is real and what is not.
The language of the subconscious is images and feelings
If we close our eyes and imagine with feeling then to our subconscious it is real!
By visualizing we can change the self limiting beliefs that do not serve our interest and replace them with empowering beliefs
Our subconscious will strive to make that belief a reality
through changing the thoughts that arrive in our conscious and thus influencing us to take different action and as a result creating a new reality based on the new belief
What to visualise
Decide what you want, what you want to be, whatever it is, and then hold that in your mind as if it has already happened.
Try to use all your senses to emotionalise the images.
Here’s an example - You want a new car
Picture every detail, listen to the engine, feel the leather on the steering wheel,
Smell the air freshener, experience every detail.
Here’s another example:
You want to earn crazy money..
See your bank statement with the balance you desire, imagine eating in the expensive restaurant you could never afford before, taste the food, listen to the conversation, look at the decor.
Picture your dream 5* holiday, feel the sand under your feet and the sun beating down on you, listen to the sounds and absorb every detail.
21 day of repetition and it's done!
A repeated action for 21 days becomes an ingrained new habit.
As stated before your subconscious cannot differentiate between these emotionalised images and real ones.
In a very short period of time your subconscious will be working with these thought in the background and doing everything it can to bring them to reality through the process of conscious influence - action - reality creation.
Build Self Confidence
This is not only important for material purposes.
Self limiting beliefs and lack of self worth hold us back in all areas
Picture the person you would like to be
Love, confidence, abundance, self worth - create the image and really allow yourself to feel that.
With a little time and practice old beliefs will begin to be replaced with the new and your subconscious will go right to work to make that your default reality.
1) Understand that most people don’t have just one mindset. According to Dr. Dweck, it’s common for us to have different mindsets for different roles and life circumstances. A predominantly growth mindset person, for example, can succumb to situations, or triggers, such as a competitive challenge or being forced out of one’s comfort zone, that produces a fixed mindset. The key, according to Dweck, is identifying the triggers and responding rather than reacting.
2) View challenges as opportunities. Having a growth mindset means relishing challenges and risks as opportunities for self-improvement. Under a fixed mindset, the fear of looking foolish keeps people from trying new things. Think of situations or endeavors that especially challenge you–things you may be tempted to avoid out of fear or reluctance. Then, put aside your fear, do it anyway, and relish the private victory.
3) Replace the word “failing” with the word “learning.” Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas,” Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as a TV anchor in Baltimore for being “too emotionally invested in her stories,” Ben Hogan, one of the greatest golfers of all time, was considered completely uncoordinated as a child, and Steven Spielberg was rejected by USC’s Cinematic Arts School multiple times. What if these American icons had a fixed mindset? Despite their immense talent, these world class people would have given in to the rejection and given up hope… and the world wouldn’t be the same.
4) Value the process over the end result. Growth mindset people enjoy the journey; they’re okay, if, for example, instead of competing to place in their age group in a 5K charity race, they choose instead to run with their kids at the back of the pack. A fixed mindset, by contrast, avoids situations in which they might appear weak or vulnerable.
5) Reward actions, not traits. If you lead others–especially if you have children–don’t praise them for their talent, which nurtures a fixed mindset, but instead recognize their hard work. Similarly, as George Walther, author of the book, Power Talking, advises, when someone compliments you for your performance, instead of minimizing or deflecting the praise which are signs of false humility, respond by saying, “Thank you, I worked hard and planned well!” Don’t be hesitant to project self confidence while giving yourself credit for the process, not the outcome.
6) Test your mindset. Finally, if you’re unclear about which mindset you tend towards, you can take a simple mindset test.
How much could a fixed mindset be costing you? Travis Bradberry, one of the thought leaders in the field of emotional intelligence, sums it up like this: “If you aren’t getting a little bit better each day, then you’re most likely getting a little worse—and what kind of life is that?”
In what areas of your life do you tend towards a fixed mindset? When are you in growth-mindset mode? How can you apply one or more of these six keys to growing yourself?
